Volume 65 December 2026-January 2026 : Social

 

The question is: are we growing wise or tall or is this seemingly the beginning of the decay of life or just the new normal? Are men worthless than before or is it the women who have declined in value?

Some men would rather choose to pay child maintenance than being there to raise their children. To a conservative and traditionalist society like Botswana, this is undoubtedly a mark of a pervasive problem eating away at the very fabric of society.

Look around and count the number of people you know who have children outside marriage. The number is scary, they would say.

Parenthood without marriage has deeply ingrained itself in our society and the number of the so-called illegitimate children has crossed the “threshold”. 

“Marital decline starts with economics; shrinking pay cheques have thinned the rank of marriageable men.

Many people live on the edge because of our debt fuelled prosperity and once a child is born from an uncommitted relationship, they can’t stand it but children need both parents for a solid foundation,” observes a social work lecturer at the University of Botswana, Log Raditlhokwa.

Raditlhokwa describes single parenting as a serious blot arising from democracy and adds that the frequency of the phenomenon makes it seem acceptable.

“This leads to fragile families notwithstanding the family unit as a building block of any society. Fragile families lead to chaos in schools and later in the community. Marriage here is not taken seriously, people marry for the wrong reasons,” he argues.

His contention is shared by a 26 year old single mother, working as a secondary school teacher in Thamaga. “My son’s father wanted us to get married before we split but I was against that. He was not working and it was stressful for me to provide for him and the child. I bought almost everything from cigarettes to food for him. It was like living with another kid,” she says.

The issue, observes Raditlhokwa, not only arises from shrinking pay cheques. He says many children are born out of uncommitted relationships and as a result men refuse to acknowledge paternity. 

Whatever reasons are advanced for single parenthood, the truth is that this shift is affecting children’s social wellbeing.

Research has consistently found that children born out of wedlock have elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional or behavioural challenges while those born to married couples on average experience better education, social and cognitive as well as behavioural outcomes.

A young rapper, Phakiso Makhiwa, raised by a single mother shares his story. “Being raised by a single mother is very stressful. My mother took me to an English medium school where they emphasised on family bond.

At times students would be asked to be accompanied by their fathers to school and that is when I found myself stressfully alone,” he laments.

Before long his mother would not keep up with high school fees and Phakiso was forced to transfer to a public school. Although Phakiso was a highly brilliant student, he failed at the University of Botswana and has since turned to music as a career.

“I grew up envious of other children who had fathers and there was a time when I smashed down my mother’s phone in anger,” he recalls with a crestfallen countenance. He was confused and his self-esteem very low.

To remedy the situation, Raditlhowa opines that Botswana needs a policy on family. He believes that once the family policy is in place then the number of children born out of wedlock and that of single mothers will be greatly reduced.

“Our behavior has been very counterproductive, we need to emphasise on the values and live by the rules like the Muslim and Indian communities,” he advises.  ENDS

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