Volume 50 Issue 9 - September 2012 : Mokanoki

Tebogo wore a long face that morning. You could easily tell that she was stressed and hurting inside. Le setho go ne go le mo mpepeneng gore se mo latlhegetse.  Her hairstyle was not anything to write home about. It was clear that it had been a while since she went to a saloon. I asked her why she looked so morose. She looked at me, and slowly shook her head and retorted,  “Ashe! Botshelo kgaitsadiaka.” She sadly narrated her story to me.  She told me how she would never in her lifetime forgive her ex-boyfriend because of what he did to her. “What he has done to me is unforgivable,” she explained.

What was surprising about Tebogo’s case was that her ex-boyfriend was late. When I noticed the bitterness that gripped my friend, I started pondering on the issue of forgiveness. So in this issue I would like us to put in perspective what I conveyed to my friend Tebogo. One way or the other, we all have experiences. After talking to Tebogo, I realised that one can choose to cling to that hurt and let it destroy their day-to-day happiness and poison their future or one can choose to release the hurt and trust God to make it up to them.  Like Tebogo, you may think you cannot forgive those who have hurt you, whether friends, a spouse or co-workers.  However, you do not have to forgive them for their sake; you forgive for your own sake. That statement must have made Tebogo ask herself, how is that possible?

As Dr Myles Munroe, the author of a number of motivational books, simply puts it, the fact of the matter is that when we forgive others, we take away their power to hurt us.  The mistake we make so often is to hold on to hurt.  We go around bitter and angry but all we are doing is allowing those who hurt us control our lives.  The abuser, bully or critic, is not hurt by our anger and bitterness.  We are just poisoning our own lives with it. Like Tebogo, some people are still mad at others who are long dead and gone.  They are still bitter at their parents or a former boss or an ex-spouse who is no longer living. 

Is it bad enough that someone hurt you once:  do not let them continue to hurt you by staying angry.  When you forgive someone, you set a prisoner free.  That prisoner is not the person who hurt you:  the prisoner is you. Someone may have lied about you, betrayed you, or mistreated you but what they did was not enough to keep you from your destiny.  You cannot let one divorce, one betrayal, or one bad childhood experience keep you from the awesome future God has in store for you. The bible tells us the story of Joseph and how his own brothers sold him into slavery.  He could have been angry and let that one bad break, that one injustice, steal his destiny but he let it go and moved forward to claim his rewards.  There is no telling how many people in Joseph’s time were kept from God’s best because they went for revenge instead.

Do not let that be you.  Your destiny is too great to let what someone did to you keep you from moving forward.  Forgiveness is not about being nice and kind; it is about letting go so you can claim the amazing future that awaits you. I know there are valid reasons to be angry.  Maybe you were mistreated at a young age.  It was not your fault.  You had no control over it, and what was done to you was wrong. 

Forgiving does not mean you are excusing anything or anyone.  It does not mean you are lessening the offence.  I am not saying you have to go befriend someone who hurt you.  I am simply saying to let it go for your own sake.  Quit dwelling on the offence.  Quit replaying it in your memory.  Quit giving it time and energy. You have a destiny to fulfill.  You have a joyful life to claim.  Every time you let past hurts consume your thoughts, you are just reopening an old would. In the next issue we will look at Let  your bruises to heal.  Thank you for now, yours truly, Mokanoki. ENDS

Buy Online Now!