Kutlwano Magazine

Whither Marriage Institution

Source : Kutlwano

Author : -

Location : Gaborone

Event : Conference

Its supporters are firm that the institution of marriage is here for the long haul. The fact that it has been around for thousands of years, they say, is an indication of its resilience and perseverance against all odds. However, critics say the institution is on its knees if not death-bed because of the pummeling it is getting from almost all sides. The facts on the ground also make for grim reading.

Presenters at a recent conference organised by the Ministry of Finance and Development Planning and the National Council on Population and Development (NCPD), pointed out that the number of people who tie the knot in Botswana have been tumbling steadily over the last three decades. Delivering a key note address at the gathering, Kgosi Mosadi of Balete was amazed that while the number of people who say: “I do” are plunging; the number of those who are cohabiting or living together without marriage commitment is rising. Mind you, this is a world-wide phenomenon and not just a Botswana affair.

According to Population and Housing Census Statistics about 12.2 per cent of males and 12 per cent of females were cohabiting in 1991. By 2001, this proportion of people had increased to 16.8 per cent and 17.1 percent, respectively. Conversely, Gaborone District Commissioner, Mr Fraser Tlhoiwe said 616 divorce cases were registered in Francistown and Lobatse in 2001 and the number has been increasing steadily over the years, reaching 957 by October 2011. Mr Tlhoiwe disclosed that people marry for many reasons, including emotional, religious, social and economic, among others.

“These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.” he noted. That as it may be, Mr Tlhoiwe felt that something needed to be done to improve the image of the marriage institution in the country and halt its downward spiral. What is telling, he observed, is the fact that marriage is supposed to be a blessing from God, yet a lot of people prefer to commit to each other at the district commissioner`s office.Mr Tlhoiwe suggested that the trend might have a bearing in the high divorce rates because it means that people do not seek help from church leaders or elders when they encounter problems in their marriages. Mr Tlhoiwe mentioned adultery, denial of conjugal rights, physical abuse and improper use of cellular phones as some of the factors that cause strains in a relationship.

He expressed concern that some marriages only last for a month before the couples seek divorce. Clutching a cell phone in his hand, Tlhoiwe said, “This gadget has caused more harm than good. Couples no longer trust each other because of it”. He stated that marriage is a life time commitment and couples must stay committed to their marriage vows.

An elderly man at the conference noted the emergence of an educated, independent, working woman as a major contributing factor to the country`s high divorce rate. He cautioned that the increasingly irrelevance of man will eventually killmarriage. Mma-Tshepo of Broadhurst who said she has been married for over four decades observed that some people get married to earn bragging rights, but buckle at the first sign of a problem. Though a pleasant thing, she warned that marriage can be a hard ask if there is no trust. “Most young people find it difficult to be faithful to their partners because of the cell phone and a culture which condones infidelity.” Because relationships do not last nowadays, some people have decided to remain single.

“Marriage is not a priority for me. In fact, I think, it will be more of an obstruction to achieving my life goals. For instance, I want to do what I want as and when it suits me, without having to consult someone else first,” says middle-aged Dineo.

Also, what irks her the most is the paternalistic cultural notion that gives the man the responsibility of making the most important decisions for the family. “Even the most intelligent of women becomes brain numb when she gets married; that I can`t stand,” she said aghast.

Young people who attended the conference blamed the high cost of lobola for preventing them from marrying their loved ones. Also, young couples were resorting to cohabitation in order to share costs due to the high cost of living. Further, they noted that cohabitation gives couples the benefits of marriage, but without the associated risk of divorce.