To Kiss Dating Goodbye.....

Source : Kutlwano

Author : Otshidile Onkabetse

Location : GABORONE

Event : Column-Reality Hub

I would like to attribute the above title and content of this article to Joshua Harris`s I kissed dating goodbye book, which I lovingly read a couple of times whilst at varsity and I must say the contents of that book really nudged at my view of relationships.... Needless to say it`s a must read! I guess I am right to assume that as you read this article your eyes anticipate to glance at the answer to the great question you have in your mind:  “Have I kissed dating goodbye?” well Lets just put it this way....It`s for me to know because of the clichéd ‘don`t kiss and tell`... (Laughs) and for you to keep wondering and never find out! I must put a disclaimer on this article that I`m nowhere near being an expert at ‘love` nor do I assume that I know all there is to know about the ‘kissing game`. I do however personally believe my sharing bit of knowledge on such may prove to be enlightening and hopefully inspiring to those who seek fruitful and meaningful relationships.  I hate to shatter your hopes if at all you expected a list of Dos and Do-Not`s when it comes to pleasing your partner in any sense of the word. It`s safe to say I`m going to give you something to think about..... (And yes, wisdom doesn`t only come with age)

The ‘dating game` has become a preposterous hub of pathetic emotional exchange. I mean it is beyond ridiculous. Whatever happened to real, genuine relationships that were not merely built upon the foundation of greed, selfishness and lust? I think a lot of people`s minds have labelled ‘real` relationships ‘impossible ‘and hence diverted to a more possible and convenient way of approaching relationships hence the term ‘dating game` It is all a game....really!! Is that why the no-strings-attached slogan was adopted, and the ‘I- just-wan- to-have-fun` mottos instigated? Have you taken the time to review your life, your priorities...because in case you didn`t know they all melt down to who you are and what you believe you are worth? Everyone is worth more than what money can buy, but seemingly we`ve reduced ourselves to commodities on shelves, we go ‘`on sale`` and sometimes we are ‘`expensive`` I suggest a revolution...kissing dating goodbye! (Laughs) I knew that would cause a bit of discomfort and an expected stir of unsettling emotions. Hold on to the vegetables and the fruit you ma seek to throw at me, and before you boo at me on stage please listen to what i have to say. The author of the inspired title, Joshua Harris knew people would misinterpret the intended meaning of the title of the book. He mentioned that some may even opt to not go further than the first page because of such a seemingly absurd title.

Basically kissing dating Goodbye, just means looking at dating from a different perspective.... instead of the modern day approach where you have a checklist of what a partner should have or shouldn`t as well as a detailed relationship description which almost stipulates the conditions of a ‘successful` relationship according to the worldly standards.  I must add a lot of these guidelines may work, but sometimes lack longevity. Kissing dating goodbye is a revolutionised strategy to successful, meaningful and beautiful relationships. Now who wouldn`t want that? I`m sorry it`s not really tangible and so it`s not sold in any grocery store, nor can you get it from your local witch doctor....!  But for the sake of making things simpler let`s liken it to a package...just imgine having a box of cereal with ingredients written on the back. Here is what a ‘I kissed dating` box would have written on the back of it....

Do away with Selfishness:... and for once, let it not be about ‘you` and what ‘you` stand to gain or to lose by giving of yourself to the other...look at what you have to give to the other. let that be you main priority, when you give lovingly and unconditionally, chances are you will get that in return. Real relationships are about giving more than receiving. One should find joy in giving and that joy of making someone happy becomes your reward.

Don`t get into a relationships to be ‘happy`: you are probably wondering what that means, but just to simplify it basically one should strive to build themselves up personally and have their personal ‘joy` and ‘happiness` before they get into a relationship.  You have to be happy before you think you can make someone else happy. Share your happiness; don`t rely on someone else to do things that make you happen. Be happy first then share or happiness. That way you don`t depend on people to make you happy, and that way even if a relationship doesn`t work out, you may be hurt and disappointed but you are not utterly crushed because you had a solid foundation of happiness, you didn`t just feed off happiness from a relationship.

Don`t settle for casual hook ups; A lot of people get into relationships to have fun, they don`t prioritise on commitment. It`s all about living in the moment, or passing time. They check to see if things will work out and if they don`t, one jumps into the next relationship. Don`t do that rather look for something genuine that is established upon commitment. Don`t jump into relationships if you don`t intend on committing. It`s a waste of your valuable time...remember time is vital. Every time you give a part of yourself emotionally or physically to different people, you tear down the very essence of ‘self` and deny yourself the true joy of committing to one person.

Friendship:  some people do not appreciate the value of friendship. You have to establish your relationship upon the foundation of a solid friendship.  Be friends before you can be lovers. If you skip the former and jump to the latter, you haven`t truly understood the depth, beauty and fulfilment of a relationship. The song which goes: “how can we be lovers if we can`t be friends`` really holds true to this notion.

SEX Should wait:  Intimacy should NOT be at the forefront of anything, no matter how physically attracted to one another two people are.  Intimacy should be a celebration of a relationship only when a deep, committed and real relationship has been instigated. Putting intimacy before everything denies both partners the opportunity to fully experience the beauty of love.

Take a look at yourself, and look at what you want out of a relationship weigh the value of your reasoning..... Even in this era we are living in where the value of a relationship has been reduced to nothing...You can still stand tall and establish something authentic....  Kiss the dating game goodbye! and open your heart to a deeper experience of commitment. ENDS