A woman’s unwritten letter to a man...

Source : KUTLWANO

Author : Otshidile Onkabetse

Location : GABORONE

Event : Column-Reality Hub

With the various conclusions drawn of women apparently being a species from planet Venus and Men from Mars, drove me to the conclusion that although this is not in the literal sense of the meaning…we forget that the same hand that created both men and women is the same hand that made our difference complement one another not to bring about confusion of any sort. From a woman`s perspective we are arguably misunderstood or our emotions devalued in some cases… and on the flip side, though I can`t speak for men in a conclusive way, I can, however, note that a lot of the time men`s feelings often remain unspoken of and unexpressed in a way that would allow for women to fully comprehend their nature.  I thought to adopt a slight twist to my general way of writing and provide in this edition a glimpse into a woman`s internal epilogue imparting to my best capability, her deepest thought. Every woman has a heart that may have been bruised, used, abused or simply misunderstood by a man and the platform to fully express herself may have not been afforded. If every woman was given a promise of anonymity and offered a pen and paper and asked to pour out every word from her heart and let it bleed onto the paper…..to pour out the story of her life in relation to a man…I`m sure she would. I`d like to try on behalf of women.

Movies have played out scenes, authors and poets painted pictures with words and artists sang bitter or sweet lyrics that moved many and pierced their hearts with a deep sense of truth and reality. And when writing this article I imagine how it is for different women across the globe who face numerous challenge`s more especially in relationships. How women`s hearts well up with so much emotion that may at times lay bottled up inside. Emotions capable of being toxic to the inner beauty she has inside and instead of soothing and restoring her, it breaks her apart into a million pieces. Though she was never built to break as her nature allows her to take in so much, yet sometimes her sanity hangs by a thread and her heart just beckons a man to try to understand things from her point of view.

I`m no expert when it comes to love, but being a woman, having the ability to love qualifies me to attempt to take on such a daunting task. I`d like to touch on the woman as a sensual being…as an inseparable entity from the man…from whose rib she was called to be. Yet the same rib misunderstands her, or often fails to see her worth like the Father- The Creator intended. 

I think if every woman was given a pen and paper to write a letter to a man who has bruised her or built her up to be the very best or the very worst …it would come in just a few words, deep words. Maybe somehow it would bring the man to comprehend her nature, or at least try…to appreciate the little and great things about her or at least try… to not question or assume, neither to judge nor patronize her. To allow her to be woman and to not be made to feel like she`s from another planet just because she is a woman.  My focus primarily on a woman does not in any way nullify a man`s significance, for the mere fact that we are all human qualifies us to both be simply heard and given the benefit of the doubt.

This is not just a letter from me, I am a woman, but I dare to write on behalf of every woman and ask every man to read and hope that every woman`s sentiments will be fully accommodated and contained within. This is a letter from the heart of a woman. I dare to ask a man to write ‘A MAN`s epilogue after this one.

Dear man: 

I am a woman….formed from your rib not to be anything else beneath you, but to be a companion. Do you not see that I cannot be anything less than what I am, or more than what you expect me to be…don`t try to make me either or convince me to be whichever. When I pass by, before you wink or curl your tongue and whistle….please remember to look at me as a treasure to be cherished and loved, not as an entity to be given a tasteless ovation with the aftermath of indignity. If you want to talk, make time, don`t waste mine. I am a woman…someone`s mother, child, sister, friend, aunt, grandmother and even your wife; see how many hats I can wear? I am a woman, you are a man, and I was made from your rib, not engraved on your loins. 

When you make the decision to woo me, let it not always be about you and what you stand to benefit, make sure you are ‘the best` for me as much as you want me to be ‘the best` for you. When nature allows and children are born, they are ours not mine alone we both have a responsibility to bring up a future generation. And the changes that I may experience should not render me cosmetically deficient in your eyes because my beauty remains unaltered in Gods eyes. Remember He created you first, for a reason, your eyes should see well, for with them you are purposed to steer us towards greatness. 

Let me appreciate the beauty of the wound that was neatly carved as I was created and the scar of unconditional love that should still remain knitted on your ribcage. Hold my hand because you want to, not that I ask. Tell me you love me because you mean it not that I ask or expect you to. Tell me the truth, I love it, present it to me tactfully, don`t break me, I won`t break you. When we have our differences don`t shut me out, let me in and help me understand you and you me. God gave us communication as a tool not as a weapon. 

Remember I am a woman, you are a man, none of us has it all together; let`s try to make it work. Love is beautiful, let`s not make it something it isn`t. Let our love shine behind closed doors and in public. Let our intimacy be shared between us and don`t defile or dishonor your body or mine in selfish lust. We are both human, privileged with the gift of freewill and a conscious; let that not be misunderstood or taken for granted. Respect, honor and cherish me in my absence and in my presence. 

If you do not want me anymore open the door and I will walk out, don`t blacken your heart, and give away your heart to another before you release me. God created me for you, and you for me, lets embrace that to the fullest. Don`t underestimate that. Love is not a game to be lost or won. Let`s not play it at all. Let`s just simply love just like He loves us. I am a woman…let me see the Man in you.

Kind Regards

A Woman

ENDS