From playroom battles to adult drama

Source : Kutlwano

Author : Gloria Ramasu

Location : Gaborone

Event : Short story

From sweet moments of bonding to epic squabbles over remote controls and who gets the bigger slice of cake-sibling relationships are a beautiful chaos.
One moment you are best friends, the next you’re sworn enemies. Welcome to the world of sibling rivalry where love and war co-exist under one roof.
While it is normal, sibling showdown can become very harmful if left unaddressed. It can lead to conflict, tension and competition between siblings. Sibling rivalry may arise from different factors, including differences in personalities, lack of good parental skills and desire for individual recognition among others.
However, let us tackle favouritism and jealousy as the two sneaky culprits fuelling sibling’s fights.
FAVORITISM

Let’s be real, sibling rivalry did not start yesterday. It’s been around forever and one sneaky culprit keeps adding fuel to the fire; favouritism.
Even the best parents sometimes fall into this trap without realising it. And when one child constantly feels like they’re getting the short end of the stick, things can get tense fast.  
Let us break down how favouritism plays out in everyday family life and why it can cause siblings to go from partners-in-crime to lifelong competitors.
Leniency with rules-Ever heard one sibling say, “If I did that, I would be dead?” That’s favouritism. When one child gets away with bending the rules or breaking them all completely, it does not go unnoticed. Double standards create bitterness. One child becomes the “golden one” who can do no wrong, while the other becomes the family’s resident scapegoat. Not exactly a recipe for sibling bonding!
Taking sides-Arguments between siblings are normal. But when parents consistently side with one child, they are unintentionally choosing favourites. Even if one child tends to be more dramatic or louder, brushing off their side of the story makes them feel invisible. Taking sides creates a divide that can last well beyond childhood.Praise and Encouragement-We all love a little recognition, especially from our parents. But when praise becomes a spotlight that always shines on one child, it dims the self-esteem of the others. If one sibling is always the “smart one” the “talented one,” or the funny one, where does that that leave everyone else? Left out and frustrated! All these small moments of favouritism add up. Siblings who once built blanket forts together start competing for love, approval and attention. They keep score. They fight for validation. And sometimes the damage lasts into adulthood.

JEALOUSY AS THE SILENT FUEL BEHIND SIBLING RIVALRY

While sibling rivalry can stem from many other sources, jealousy often plays a powerful, if not silent role.
From childhood into adulthood, siblings may find themselves comparing achievements, competing for attention, and silently measuring their worth against each other.
Whether its academic success, career milestones or even marital status, personal victories can sometimes stir feelings of inadequacy in the other, turning what should be moments of pride into points of tension. Parents, often unknowingly, contribute to this dynamic.
Favouring one child’s needs or celebrating one’s success more openly can lead others to feel overlooked or undervalued. Even in loving families, jealousy can sneak in under the surface. Recognising its presence is the first step toward healing.
Encouraging open dialogue, celebrating each sibling’s unique path and fostering empathy can help transform rivalry into respect. After all, behind every sibling fight may be a simple wish-to feel seen, valued an equally loved.

EFFECTIVE WAYS TO HELP REDUCE SIBLING RIVALRY

Sibling rivalry is a common issue in many households, but with the right strategies parents can help create a more peaceful and supportive family environment. Parents should avoid favouritism and treat their children equally regardless of their differences.  Another crucial aspect is avoiding comparisons between siblings. Statements like “why can’t you be more like your brother” can be damaging and fuel resentment.
 Instead, focus more on each child’s individual accomplishments and efforts. Equally harmful is the habit of bad mouthing one sibling to another or to outsiders.
Encouraging siblings to celebrate each other’s successes wholeheartedly promotes a sense of unity and shared joy. When one child achieves something, involve the others in acknowledging and celebrating that success.
 This helps shift the dynamic from competition to support. Regular family activities such as game nights, outings or family reunions should be encouraged to strengthen bonds.
These shared experiences helps siblings to connect and build positive memories together. By creating a nurturing, respectful and inclusive family environment, parents can significantly lessen sibling rivalry and encourage lifelong friendships among their children.ENDS