Sonder: A stranger\'s Perspective

Source : Kutlwano

Author : Otshidile Onkabetse

Location : Gaborone

Event : Short story

I was driving home from work a few days ago, down the same road I use every day.
 It dawned on me that I see this girl almost every time at the same proximity, running in the opposite direction. She’s tall, dark, pretty, always clad in training gear, and has her hair in a bun.
 She always appears to have headphones on, because her running has a bounce and rhythm to it. I’ve seen her before at a restaurant close to where she runs.
She was dinning with a male companion. So...before you conclude that I might be some stalker, hear me out!
I’m no prowler by any stretch of the imagination nor do I have any associated tendencies. It’s probably a pure coincidence that I’ve seen this ‘Jane Doe’ on several occasions.
What got me really thinking deep about this is the fact that: I see her, she doesn’t see me. She does not know me. She doesn’t know I exist. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with this but it’s worth pondering.
She doesn’t know my name and possibly never will. In my world, I see all that I see but only exposed to the people I get to meet and interact with.
There are people in this country, not to mention in this big wide world, who will never know you ever existed. Why does this matter? Well, it essentially doesn’t or shouldn’t really, but for a moment it just boggled my mind.
In a world where there are over 8 billion people, your existence isn’t perceived by all.  I am a stranger to this Jane Doe. But she isn’t a stranger to me. I’m probably not just a Stranger, but I don’t exist at all in any faculty of her imagination.
I’ll land my plane in a bit...just humor me! A few hours later when I got home from wracking my brain over this random thought that got my mind on overdrive, guess what! I didn’t know there was a word for this feeling but it would appear Google is psychic!
I suppose social media algorithm ‘listened in’ (I still think its creepy) and connected telepathically and BOOM! I see this word in my feed–SONDER! Its apparently a neologism, which means; the “feeling of realizing that every random passer-by has a life as vivid and complex as one’s own.
It’s the profound, individual realization that each person you encounter is living their own life, with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, separate from your own awareness of them.”
 This is apparently a word coined by John Koenig who wrote the book ‘Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.’
There are so many everyday moments, which reveal sonder, and inspire compassion or curiosity or grace.
I saw a dignitary once who deliberately went out of his way to help others at the expense of breaking protocol (It humbled my heart).
I once saw a man being affectionate in public with his wife and her face beamed like a happy child (I felt hope in the purity and innocence of love again).
I watched a toddler playing by herself and laughing all the while, she didn’t need company to have fun or feel joyful (I realised how Wonderfully and beautifully God created human beings, yet we question this unique gift).   
I once cried home while driving in traffic after hearing sad news (I wondered how strangers Perceived me).
Back to our Jane Does narrative, she is a main character in her story! I am merely a non-existential figure in the background. She won’t know I smiled and marveled at her when she was running or very inspired by her consistency in life.
If this were a book, she will never catch a glimpse of my story, but I felt privileged to have caught a glimpse of hers, even though from an unnoticeable distance. Sonder reminds us that in the world’s 8 billion plus population, everyone is a main character, not an extra.
Even though one’s pages may not be read, every page of everyone’s life ought to be honoured by those who get the pleasure of taking a glimpse (or recognised by those who won’t ever). We ought to see one another as
more than just a background.How do we do this? .... as I land my plane. Look at it this way: Sonder, through a stranger’s perspective should look like this: Everyone we get to encounter in any shape or form should get the best of us through full audience, graciousness and consideration.
So it’s important to Listen! Pause! Be kind! All of us have different lived realities and we need to pause to consider others and how they too, see the world (however different).
This may help us understand why people are sad, happy, angry etc.
 We need to look at people through a different lens.
 It is through Sonder that we can be able to nurture empathy and emotional intelligence, which will shape our perspective of others as strangers to their stories.
 We can all be main characters! Reassess your perspective when it comes to other human beings. Are you connected to their very essence and mutual sense or are merely you performative!  I’ll let you be the judge Stranger! ENDS