Distressed lady, Via mail

25 March, 2014

CAN’T COPE AFTER ABORTION

Mmamalome, I had an abortion just over four weeks ago when I was a month pregnant. I didn’t want to do it but really it was for the best, my boyfriend and I were not ready for the responsibility and although we always had been extra careful accidents happen and we had to deal with it. He was definitely against keeping the baby and I convinced myself it was the right thing to do and so I went ahead. First of all I never expected it to be so painful although the bad pain only last a couple of hours no one warned me it would be like that and the cramps lasted for two weeks. For the first few days, I was emotionally ok, feeling relieved and still upset but aware that I had done the best for all parties involved. However for the past couple of weeks I have felt absolutely terrible. I feel so guilty and spend hours and hours crying and feel completely lost. I can’t eat, sleep or concentrate. Every day is a struggle, I feel like I can’t cope and have so little support. My boyfriend and I have started quarrelling almost daily and I know I have pushed him away a bit and have been emotional and upset a lot. I put on a facade every time I see him, pretend I am coping and this just makes matters worse when I am alone-I completely breakdown. I have never felt this distress and regret like this. I feel like I chose him over the baby and I don’t think I could have done it on my own. I really truly regret it now, I don’t know how to go on? Does the guilt and shame ever stop?

KARABO - Setlogolo,  I think the best thing for you is to seek counselling  and have a heart to heart discussion with your boyfriend to avoid resentment and other issues that come with making such choices.