How to treat your partner
Source : Kutlwano
Author : Calviniah Kgautlhe
Location : GABORONE
Event : Feature
No doubt, relationships are wonderful - a natural phenomenon responsible for evolution of humanity. But the complexity inherent in its formation perhaps beats logic, and some people would say if only there was a specific formula to guide in finding the perfect fit, a partner...
Some travell the four corners of the earth in search of a soul mate; some tap into technology such as as Tweeter and Facebook; while others even turn to the newspapers, just in search of a suitable partner.
Once they have finally found and perhaps got married to their new lovers, the reality of how they should treat them to keep the romance burning all the time agauinst the harsh realities of life becomes another issue.
It is a given that sexual relationships ultimately result in the formation of the family unit - a strong foundation responsible for the socialization of off springs. And this is largely hinged on the manner in which partners handle each other.
For the 93-year-old World War II vertran, Modise Thebe, of Kumakwane village in the Kweneng district, says his marriage is still intact afterb 46 years of existence.
Born in 1920, Modisane says the secret behind their strong and mature love bond lays in the manner in which he treats his partner. “There should be mutual understanding and respect between partners,” the octogenarian opines, adding that they make it a point of consulting over issues. “I cannot do something without informing my wife, when I earn something I present all of it to her and we share together. That is what keeps us going.”
The 93-year-old charmer says even at his age he can still cook for his wife when the push comes to a shove, “le ke godile jaana, pitsa yaaka e molelo ngwanaka! ke apeela mohumagadi wame, ke a mo thusa,” he says in a jocular manner.
Modisane is concerned that today`s generation is not cautious about marriage; they carelessly engage in extra marital affairs, he says. These factors, he adds, cause partners to take each other for granted in the marriage institution.
“Bana ba gompieno ga ba na kgalemelo, ba lala ba tsamaya le dithota,” he says as four lines form on the old man`s forehead projecting a spectra of grimace.
“Young people must remember and live up to their vows, for better or worse and in sickness and in health,” he advises, adding that these vows should not just be said during the wedding and then be forgotten.
Speaking in a seemingly once charming baritone voice that is now faded clearly due to old age, Modisane says: “Troubles do occur in a marriage but it is important to face them with wisdom and engage the other partner in a respectful manner. It is highly imperative to treat one another with honesty at all times because that builds trust in a relationship.”
Still in the same village, 77-year-old Bolokang Mokgethi says that she is still happily married to her husband since 1955.“I treat him with respect at all times and make sure we communicate and solve our problems amicably despite the odds.”
“Having multiple concurrent partners affects relationships; if you treat your partner in this manner he or she will think you are not serious with them. This will cause friction in the marriage or relationship,” she stresses with a raised sharp voice.
Mma Mokgethi expresses discontent at the way the marriage institution has evolved today saying that nowadays marriages are no longer based on affection, love and trust.
“Some people marry for material reasons. the big question is how does one marry out of community of property when they say they love someone and they are joined to become one? This marriage is destined to fail since it encourages selfishness and ultimately, divorce,” she opines.
A University lecturer in the social science department, Log Raditlhokwa, says treating the other partner in a relationship is extremely central because it forms building blocks of strong and successful relationships.
“There should be open communication and you must tell your partner how you want to be treated likewise he or she must know how you want to be treated,” he advised,
“It is not easy to see whether the person loves you or not when you are riding on milk and honey and everything is in abundance. When things are bad that is when you can tell that someone loves you when they stick by you and render unparalleled support.”
“The things that you do for your partner change with time as you mature together; do not bore your partner so that you do not become irrelevant to his or her life, know their interests,” he advises. ENDS
RADITLHOKWA`s TIPS FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
Take care of your partner, children, home and other things
• Be available for your partner; do not claim you are busy. Create time, it will enable you to bond and give your partner true love.
• Make love. If you do not your partner will drift away from you spiritually and will look for it elsewhere and develop the desire for other people outside marriage
• Avoid having sex outside marriage
• You must learn to forgive your partner
• Serve you partner, if you do not have a servant mentality towards your partner it kills marriage. You will dominate the other if you do not have this mentality and nobody likes to be dominated, you are equal partners
• Do not argue, complain and criticize too much. Rather focus more on the strengths of your partner
• Exercise discipline, in the olden days there was a lot of discipline in marriages
• Today people are too materialistic, and now because they have little or no affection attached to the relationship, they end up cheating a lot
• Some people end up in boring, unfulfilling sex lives simply because they are gaining material out of it which is not good for the soul.
• Pray for your relationship or your marriage ENDS
Teaser:
...the old and the wise dish out a mouthful.
