Editors Note

A WAY TO LOVE

Love and hate are twin emotions that one cannot live without. They exist in what is called tensional unity. Thus, each one pulling either way while at the same time existing as a single entity. But as much as love is

inexpressible (ineffable), until you know there is hate you will never know how much you love and vice versa. Thus, either helps to gauge the other. Neither can exist without the other just like life and death.  Just like conflict, it is not always negative. Sometimes it is positive and therefore necessary. 

In other words we cannot exist without conflict. Motswana are metsi a kgoberegela go itsheka.  This means that sometimes you have to go through a conflict to realize your shortcomings, mistakes, etc. You cannot run away from such. You only have to negotiate your existence between these binary opposites. 

Consequently, loving too much is not healthy. Hating too much is not healthy either. In both cases you will at some point reach dead end. Again if you love too much there is no room for compromise.  Likewise, if you hate too much there is no room for compromise. 

Imagine what would happen if there was no compromise in both cases. Therefore, the paradox creates the balance. In short, learn to love and hate the person at the same time. Thus, it is a given that there is something you hate about the other and there is something you love about them too. If you combine these two passions, they create a paradox in that you learn to appreciate the other person. 

The things you hate about the other become their weaknesses that you learn to appreciate and the things you love about them become their strongest points that you learn to appreciate as well.  That is what we call the paradox which is what makes the person whole.

Nothing is perfect and trying to see perfection in the other is untenable. So that is what love is. It’s largely based on human instinct (innate) and you have to see the world through the eyes of a child to know that love is innate. 

In Confucian theory they advocate a “government by men, not by laws”. One would not be wrong to wonder, how can humanity exist without laws? What would be the consequence of such? Chaos, abyss, lawlessness, wars, crime and the list is endless. But imagine we all loved each other, would there be a necessity for laws? If love means caring, empathy, understanding, appreciation, sympathy and the paradox of hate and love, what would the world be like?

That’s my take as we celebrate the month of love.